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Run No. 1095 Sunday, 4-January-2009 | |
| Hares: | EuroCrap |
| Venue: | Place de la Sainte Famille, Woluwe St Lambert |
| Author: | Spotted Dick |
| Scribe: | It
was freezing cold but nevertheless there were about 15 to 20 foolish
hashers who turned out for the run. Amongst the assembled throng were
old friends not seen for a while including Dr PP and Big Bore, No
Heuvos, Cuming Slowly and Standing Ovation. Special recognition for
Hash Hole and Blue Willy must be made – the idiots were in shorts
despite the arctic conditions. There was a slight delay in the departure of the pack because Cl'Oysters couldn't find his way from the Metro and there being no cars for him to nick he had to phone for a lift because he had no idea where the run was. Once he and Kwai Bungie had been collected by Higgins and Its Too Big, EZ Over called us to order and after a brief but very confusing set of hieroglyphics drawn by Eurocrap on a turd infested patch of ground we were off. This was a classic Eurocrap run with mind-bogglingly complex checks and double backs throughout. At piece of waste ground by Andromeda (the bus stop, not the constellation, the run wasn't that long) he had the whole pack baffled – eventually the check was broken by Dr PP (Atlanta is turning you into an athlete sweetie!). The next check was immediately broken by Hash Hole and Blue Willy who had mysteriously found trail without breaking the last check. We puffed and panted our way through familiar territory that somehow had been scrambled. At every point along the way I recognised landmarks, I just had no idea how I had got there or where the trail would go next. Finally we reached the beer stop – the Bull pack had been etiolated by the complexity of the trail with No Huevos and Mussels exploring distant neighbourhoods along the way. We had ducks to bowl at on the ice while we had our beer and blood and gore to marvel at courtesy of Hash Hole who had tested gravity in the middle of the road and punched the tarmac on the way down – there was a lot of blood. Hash Hole was upset that No Huevos hadn't heard his girly scream as he fell and incensed that the traffic on the road just drove round him while he did his dieing swan act. The final leg of the run was over a massive alp (strange I don't remember Alps in Brussels, but there it was, complete with glaciers, blizzards and Yeti) and finally we were back to the relative safety of the Place de la Sainte Famille. Sodden, sweat and blood soaked hash gear was rapidly exchanged for warm dry snow suits and the circle was called to order. The Circle Its Too Big had imparted to your scribe that she was determined not to get any down-downs – so inevitably she was the first person called into the circle a down-down. In the process she was abused by the Grand Mattress for tardiness over the delivery of the Halloween scribe report which EZ Over claimed was 3 months late. When I gallantly pointed out it was in fact only two months in arrears I immediately got lumbered with the honour of reporting on this run. Its Too Big was given a down-down for lost property – her earrings from the New Years party. As soon as she cleared the circle the Grand Mattress called in the BRA (Bitch RA) in to take over. The Hare was called in. It was agreed that the run was not bad but would have been better if the temperature hadn't been so high and it was awarded 9.69/10. Then in short order Blue Willy called in the following miscreants * Hash Hole for testing gravity * Cl'Oysters for a short cut * Its Too Big (again!) for peeing on trail * Mussels for running through a False Trail Then a poll was held to see if anyone could remember the definition of "A Returner" those failing to correctly define the term that they represented included: * Cuming Slowly * Standing Ovation * Rhythm Stick * No Huevos * Just Kevin (or was it Just Keith, I can't read my handwriting, something to do with frostbite I think) (Just Marcus I do believe - EZ) * Just Lotte * Eurocrap * Nut Crusher Confusingly the BRA then called in visitors and we had No Huevos called back in, and when "One Flemm drinks all Flemms drink" we suddenly had Dr PP, Mussels, Lotte and Nut Crusher in the circle for a down-down. Cl'Oysters and Kwai Bungie were then called in for being latecomers and no sooner than they had swallowed their ice-cold down-downs that a cry of "Higgins" went up. Higgins who was "missing presumed frozen" stumbled into the circle. When he was asked why he was so late back he told us he had been shopping in Woluwe shopping centre! There was then a call for nominations from the circle and Hash Hole bravely nominated the RAs for their failure to deliver anything but white snow which matched the flour used exactly. Mussels got nominated for a down-down for not just running through one False Trail, but doing it twice. Spare Rib then told a sad story of how he wet himself at the NY party because he couldn't get into the loo as it was occupied by Blue Willy and Just Lotte for over half an hour as they partook of weird regurgitative sex. Once this avenue of perversion was opened Hash Hole was down-downed for his ability to drink three Alka-Selzers and to only puke up two of them. Dr PP said she had done something even more complex in this field – but unfortunately my fingers fell off at this point through frostbite and the note taking was handed over to Its Too Big. She reported the following misdemeanours and worse sins: * Spare Rib – who forgot the Hash Shit – remember boys and girls this is the RA and he forgot the Hash Shit – ooh bad boy! * No Huevos was our Birthday Boy. He had run the whole trail with the birthday cake hat on much to the envy of the other members of the pack with less than ample headgear * Cl'Oysters was called in as he is leaving – the Belgian authorities have finally identified him as "Persona Non Gratia" and the chief of police has promised a commensurate fall in car crime. Ironically Cl'Oysters himself had been the victim of a break-in on his car during the week where the only thing nicked was a pair of muddy hash boots and one insole. If you see a Scouser running in circles in brown boots please tell Cl'Oysters… * Mussels was persuaded that the umbrella being waved dangerously in the circle really was his. Finally Dr PP made an announcement of a Beer Uni field trip to Bruges next weekend… See the emails for details. After the shortest Hash Hymn ever the circle broke and many of the assembled throng reconvened in the Kwak Bar to defrost. Please note: "Any similarity between events reported here and what actually happened on the run or in the circle is a complete coincidence" |
